Redefining The Midlife Meltdown: It’s Not The End

Midlife, with all its seasons, calls for a deliberate and purposeful approach to redefine our well-being and reinvent true happiness. The importance of self-care, reclaiming personal time, and setting a positive example for future generations by valuing one’s own needs and health is more important than ever.

Photography by Jackie Mihaley

I was asked recently if there was ever a time that I felt unable to do something I once could. I searched my memory and remembered that actually, there was…

Memory lane took me back to my time on bed rest where I spent two months toward the end of pregnancy with my twin daughters. One day I was pirouetting through a ballet class, the next day I was flat on my back and assigned to bed rest, unable to do much on my own.

From that moment forward it was a whirlwind of feedings, diaper changes, and sleepless nights. Years and years passed in this welcome part delightful part hellish existence until one day, many years later, I didn’t recognize myself anymore. Who was I and WTF happened to me?

Sound familiar?

It’s as if, after several years of mommy-ing full steam, we come up for a breath and can finally look around at the un-recognizable destruction. In the business, the delight, and the process of keeping humans alive, we forgot about the most important one. Us.

I often think about how people describe their grandmother or great-aunt as a “selfless person.” About how she gave everything to everyone but never herself. While this is admirable, in a way, it also makes me wonder, is it really? Don’t get me wrong, I want to leave a legacy of generosity but certainly not at the expense of my health and wellbeing.

As moms and women, we tend to take the backseat and get completely lost in the mix, if not forgotten entirely. As the birther or main caregiver of the future generations, I think that this is ass-backward. So, with that in mind, here’s what I would like to do instead.

I want to lead by example for my daughters and future generations and show them that their needs matter too. That wearing yourself down to the bone is not a badge of honor at all.. I think it’s time to redefine how we care for ourselves throughout our parenting journey so that we’re not unrecognizable come midlife.

I proclaim a reinvention of what it means to be a mother and a caretaker. WTF does that mean?

For me, it looks like reclaiming my time. Making time for myself in the morning with my hot coffee and journal before hopping out of bed to start my day.

It means going to bed at the same time each night after having a small wind-down routine to ensure the deepest sleep possible.

It means making time to move my body a little each day because I know that moving my body is important for creating more energy, brain clarity, and joy, and if it takes place outdoors, I get the bonus effects of sunlight and nature.

It means putting my needs first, no matter how hard that may be. We simply can’t be our best selves when we are last on our list.

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